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Shift.

Sometimes a turning point isn’t loud and flashy. It’s easy to assume that when you get to a point in your life when there needs to be a change, it comes with some huge conflict, something dramatic and undeniable. Sometimes it is just something you just stumble upon one day, the realization that what you have been doing just isn’t working anymore.

My life as of late has been chugging along as normal. I go to work, hang out with friends, live my life. But then a tickle began to develop, that feeling that something just wasn’t right but I couldn’t put my finger on what. Maybe it was because I was single and was missing being in a relationship, or I wasn’t feeling fulfilled at my job, or finding the quality of my friendships lacking. But once I began examining my life for the cause I found that it wasn’t one of these reasons: it was ALL of them. While I had been going along with life the way I had been, I hadn’t noticed that it wasn’t working for me anymore. My job, that at one time had the promise of developing into an interesting career, had settled into a dead-end paper pusher position. The guys I was dating were, well, exactly the same type of guys I had been dating since I was a teenager despite the fact they were in their thirties. And my friends were flaky and undependable; I didn’t trust them to be there for support, and for good reason. When I was moving into my house, many of my friends offered to help and not one actually showed up. Our ‘conversations’ turned into them talking about themselves and their problems, but when I tried to talk about my life there was no more time. We would make plans and they would cancel or just not show up.

No one likes to admit that their life is amiss and they need to make some changes. Lord knows I don’t. Changing just one aspect of my life is going to be big work, but all of them? I don’t know where to start. But it’s become clear I have to start something new because nothing about the way my life is fits anymore.

 

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One thought on “Shift.

  1. I feel like this is a great step in some sort of grieving process. I’m not sure why. At least now that you’ve identified your problem, you can fix it. Although, making [good] friends as an adult can be difficult. You’ve just got to keep that in mind when the going gets rough. It takes time. Everything takes time. Patience.

    I’ve been lacking friends on that ‘best friend’ level for years now, although it’s only 2 years until I move again so I’m undecided as to how much effort I should expend searching for and developing those types of relationships now. I sometimes wonder if my current friends would’ve been closer if I had just asked for more from them. Asked them to come to movies with me, to come over and cook/eat dinner, invited them on vacations, asked more about their lives. Maybe it’s been my fault all along?

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