Is it weird that I totally want one of these Up Bands that track every. single. thing. you do and then tell you what you can do to be more healthy?
Con: I mean, I already know what I can do to be more healthy: Get up and move around more. Drink all the water. Go to bed at a decent hour, not just think about how I should go to bed and then watch another episode of Friday Night Lights. Did that thing grow out in nature? No? Then don’t put it in your mouth.
Pro: But, it’s so cute! And I need it because technology.
Con: Damn girl, you don’t even own an iPhone. It won’t even work with your janky Droid! Plus, $130. For a plastic thing on your wrist.
Pro: But $130 is nothing compared to the cost an unhealthy life will cost in the long run, with doctor’s visits and medications and oversized muumuus and one of those sticks with a washcloth on the ends that I will need to clean by Jabba-the-Hut-looking self if I don’t get one RIGHT NOW.
Con: cough cough Gym membership.
Pro: Aw, snap. But… I mean–
Pro: The gym’s hours suck (I mean, why would a gym close at 7:00pm?)–
Pro: — and the people who work there are so goddamn perky and all up in my grill about “pushing myself” and “visualizing my goals” —-
Pro: Goddamn it, fine! Fine! I won’t buy it and I’m just going to lie on the couch all night because what it the point of doing anything remotely close to exercising if I can’t have it! ** Runs into bedroom and slams the door**