Repeat that on an endless loop, and there is my update of how things have been lately. It has been beige walls. It has been dry toast. It has been the near-silent white noise hum of something running smoothly, but doing nothing spectacular. There’s a lot of change and action going at work all around me, but me and my position seem to be situated in the eye of the storm – I come in, do my thing, leave at 5:00. Occasionally, I go out at night – to the same haunts, seeing the same people – but more than not these days I stay home and read or knit and watch Netflix (Knitflix?). There’s absolutely nothing wrong with my life, but there’s also nothing I give a rat’s ass about.
And I really, REALLY want to have that thing, that passion or goal or obsession that drives a person. The only motivation I have these days is routine – I do it because it’s what I do and there’s nothing around to deviate me from doing it. And I’ve been trying to find it; I have picked up so many skills trying out new things, but none of them have really grabbed me. Actually, it’s a lot like my dating life too – at this point it seems like I have met and/or dated every guy in my community and not one of them is an interest for me. I need a crush! A life crush! (Well, and a regular crush would be nice too.)
So, what do you do, when even your attempts to pull yourself out of a rut turn into a rut? When you’re living a rut squared?
… Keep trying?